How To Maintain No Contact This Holiday Season

There's no doubt about it, the holidays are definitely one of the hardest times to get through as a narcissistic abuse survivor. This time of year is usually the time where families are coming together and spending time or sharing meals. For those of us who have dealt with the pain of the narcissist discard, or even with no discard, the ending of a relationship with a narcissist is traumatic enough. So what do we do when we start to miss them? Or when they begin hoovering and trying to open the door to abuse you again? Here are just a couple of things I have found to be helpful during the holiday season.

1. Make a plan for a new tradition- If you typically had dinner with the narcissist or his family, make a plan ahead of time to have a dinner with your own family or friends, even if by yourself just make a plan. Mark it on the calendar and honor it like you are having a date with yourself. No excuses. And don't break this plan for anybody.

2. Understand that change is good, that this year is all about empowering yourself, giving yourself the peace, love and serenity that you deserve in your life. Understand that the narcissist cannot give you these things. No matter how many times they promise change.

3. If it is a narcissistic parent or family member that you simply cannot avoid, limit your time, set some firm boundaries of what you will not accept or tolerate. If these boundaries are broken, remove yourself immediately from that situation and their presence.

4. For every day until the new year, mark a small plan on the calendar for yourself. No matter how little it may be. It can be a gift exchange with friends one day, movie night with hot cocoa at home the next, pampering session the following, you get my drift? Keeping yourself busy and focused on you is crucial this holiday season.

5. Empower yourself. You have survived the most horrific of pains in the ending of your relationship with the narcissist, you have overcome so much already. Honor yourself and be proud of how much you have accomplished and the strength that it took for you to leave him/her  and stay away. Don't break contact just because it's Christmas. They will use this time as a time to further abuse you, and you already know you deserve so much more, so why take that step backwards in your recovery? With every day that passes, you gain momentum and more insight. Use that towards building a new life without the abuser.

6. Create some mantras to remind yourself of why No Contact is so important. Some good examples of mantras may be : " I have taken him/her back before, promises were made, and nothing changed, just because it's X'mas or New years, does not mean he/she is changed or less abusive.
Remind yourself constantly that this person is not a changed person. "I am doing so good for myself, I have survived this horrible abuse, i can overcome anything, I don't need a narcissist to keep me down in life." I can create new traditions. I am honoring myself. You catch my drift?

7. Celebrate the new life you have now. It may feel scary and at times lonely, but nothing is as bad as being constantly abused, put down, unappreciated or cheated on.

8. Put the phone away and focus on what you are doing. Practice mindfulness. Seriously, remaining in the moment with who and what you are doing, will keep your mind from going back to good memories you may have of your narcissist. Put the phone away. Focus on what you are doing. And if you are out drinking, have a friend take your phone and HIDE IT.

9. Make this holiday season a time to remember how worthy you are of all of the peace and happiness in the world, how much you have overcome, and enjoy a new life free from abuse.

Hugs and healing,
Noraima